Her man, My boo PT. 2

Soooo like really? Did he really just pull off? Pissed, I just left work that day to meet the girls at Chilis. Normally something like this wouldn’t have bothered me BUT I felt like he was messing with my money. Yes, I didn’t know the dude but why would he choose this damn week not to give me the tip? By the time he came back my birthday would be over! “Hey!”  My big booty Judy yelled. What did this wench want? It bet not have been about letting her borrow $10 for her meal, hell it was my birthday week.  Anyhow, we enjoyed dinner and it was $5 long island day so we got nice and toasted before we headed to the local bar to wind down and celebrate day 1 of my birthday weekend. We walked in and the music was banging. It was about 11 p.m and the drinks were flowing.  Suddenly, the neighborhood hoe train got on the dance floor when T-pain and Lil Jon’s “Lemme see that booty” came on. This chick was so busted. Stayed with a different color 27 piece, nails to damn long where I know she didn’t wipe her ass good. Ass hanging out her too little dress and heels I know she got from Chernin’s $9.99 sale rack. Now see, I’m no hater of girls because I like girls but this chick I wouldn’t touch with somebody else hands.  I was ready to go because she was being extra thirsty with every dude in the bar. My girls were pretty over what seemed to be an older crowd anyway. We walked outside and bam right there was that damn Chrysler 300. Instantly I started looking around for him. Was he in that bar and I just didn’t see him? Just then I saw little Ms. Thirsty come out and sweating.

 “Girl I’m wasted, 'dem ninjas in there got bread; I’m going home with one of them tonight”. What a bust-down. The girls and I headed to the car.  “Yooo, I’m bout to go grab me a Philly steak, meet me at the spot”. That voice was familiar. I turned, and there stood the mofo who had pissed me off the day before. He saw me and said “You followed me to get your dub huh?”  “No”, I said. “You followed me to give me my dub” TO BE CONTINUED

Muffin Tops

Ok, Ladies and gentlemen! What I can't stand or get with is muffin tops!! ugh!You know the ones that got all that extra flowing cake batter over their pants top!The ones who even if they don't own a mirror can look down at themselves. Then why must the shirts be soooo tight that I see every mountain and peak? Now I'm no model figure chick but you will never ever see that on me. Then they swear they be the ish! I just saw a chick on my fb page and that moved me to write this. Her middle name caption was "sexyalloverme"!Now, I'm all confidence but baaaabaayy. Like really? where? I am so not a mean person but ladies and some of you men really need to glance twice before you leave the house. There is nothing wrong with a lil extra comfort around the body. In fact I love some meat BUT please we don't wanna see it in that smedium shirt. ok? #ControlIt #ContainIt #thatisall

Her man, My boo

“Gotta get in the shower to make sure I’m clean and ready for this man’s lovn’. How did I get so wrapped up in this man who doesn’t belong to me?  How could that dumb woman keep up with her bullsh*t? I mean they always say “well if you would’ve been taking care of your man, he wouldn’t be over here”, well see that’s not the case here. See my boo says his little wo-mannn does everything in the book imaginable to him but she nags and nags. See I holds my boo down. I cook, cut toenails, wear what he wants me to wear and not to mention he says I’m the best he’s ever had in bed. OK. I know what you may be thinking but he says he’ll be mine full-time because he doesn’t know how long he can take her and her shenanigans’. See it all started summer of ’05 when I worked at the car wash. He would come in every week in his brand new 2004 Chrysler 300. I never noticed him because I had a boyfriend I had been dating for 3 years, so any dude that came at me, I shut them down real quick. I only noticed he came in every week because he would always leave me a $20 tip. Hmmmm- what was that about I thought to myself…he must’ve been some type of big time drug dude around the way but of course I could never go out with somebody like that!!  I remember the day like it was yesterday, 3 days b4 my bday and I was humping! Saw the fit and heels I wanted for my 21^st birthday and I had a quota that day. I wanted to make $300. It was kinda slow that day maybe because it was like 85 degrees outside and the dudes that did roll through tried to holla but left no tip!! I had 1 hour before my shift was over so I said eff it, I’ll try to make up for my lost the next day. Just then HE rolled through.  I had $120, so I figured hey what the hell I’ll leave with almost half of what I need after he gives me my $20 tip…. I dried his car off and cleaned the inside all nice and clean. I even threw in a free black ice air freshener.   When I was done, I called his number and gave him his keys. He simply got in and drove off. Wait a sec! wtf?!  To be continued…….

The Jones's

What I wanna know is who the hell the Jones’s is and why everybody trying to keep up with them.  If all the Jones’s got is every pair of Jordans and every new winter pelle pelle then the Jones’s aint ish! If the Jones’s are in constant competiton with their friends and family with who got the best 27 piece or keep the freshest micros then the Jones’s aint ish! If the Jones’s  lie about how they get they money(you really gotta sleep with the dude to get that that $100 you claim for your son but really for you) then the Jones’s aint ish! If the Jones’s be in fake relationships when you know dude messing with Shante and Jasmine and still call him your man and say them girls stalkers but you secretly going to their page to keep up with their fb status then the Jones’s aint ish! If the Jones’s coming outside fly, hair done, nails done, screwbacks in their ear and they walking  out of mom’s crib and they over the age of 20 then  the Jones’s aint ish! BUT now if the Jones’s wanna give up they old stuff, I’ll gladly take it and go to a neighborhood mofo’s don’t knw bout the Jones’s and then it’ll be KEEPING UP WITH THE BIGBODY (headass)